Sealed With A Kiss

My Last Kiss ... 

Was one that was definitely unexpected and, well, I guess needed.

I won’t go into the details of my last kiss, because that’s just a bit awkward for me and I’ll stick to the golden rule “Don’t Kiss and Tell.”

But I’ll tell just a little bit ;P

I’m still not sure how I feel about it, but it happened and it was nice. At least the guy he’s a handsome one who is a good kisser.

I still had someone else's kiss lingering on my lips ... its memory still freshly pressed on mine.

You know when you eat something that just doesn't taste right so you’re told to eat a cracker to cleanse your palette? Well that’s what my last kiss did for me.

I couldn't take having the last person I kissed already done gone kissed somebody else, and me here still reminiscing those past sweet smooches. 

So I really needed to change that and I did. It was fun.

Speaking of reminiscing on past kisses, there’s been three times in my life where a kiss has left me breathless .. this last one wasn't one of those moments, but gosh, I have to say I love a kiss that makes you feel like fireworks are popping in the night skies — just for you two.

I love getting kissed — the really passionate ones, the really sweet slow kisses, tired lazy kissing, blowing kisses, stealing a kiss, getting kissed awake, kisses on the forehead and on your cheek — but who doesn't, right?

The best have to be the one’s you share with someone you really love. They warm up your entire heart and make you feel like you’re floating through the clouds ... usually leaving a cheesy smile plastered on your face for hours. 

Sigh ... to be in love and be kissin’.

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I'm On the Pursuit of Happiness

(This isn't part of my 30-prompts list just F.Y.I.)
Ever since I was maybe 15-years-old, I learned something about myself that I knew I was probably going to have to deal with the rest of my life.
I know that there are many skeptics out there who believe depression isn't an illness or it's just something people say they have to use as an excuse for laziness or whatever. But I am someone who struggles with depression ... it scares me like hell.
There have been two times in my life where I have fallen into a deep depression that I had to seek medical help to pull me out. Luckily, my family has always been understanding about my feelings and my struggles. They have never questioned why I can get so sad sometimes and they have always got me the help I needed when I haven't been able to help myself. Those two times were horrible and I don't really know how to describe it other than imagine having someone hanging everything that makes you happy over your head and you jumping as high as you can to yank it away from them but never succeeding.
It's been maybe seven years since I let myself land in a place where I couldn't make myself happy again. But I live in constant fear of when my depression will sneak up on me and pull me under. I know what triggers it and it usually happens when my life abruptly changes or I feel completely crushed by people around me. I'm always on edge when something in my life makes me super sad, because not only am I stressing myself over my sadness, but also worrying if the tides of depression will rise above and drown me.
Another thing that I struggle with is being happy. It takes so much energy for me to be happy, which is supposed to be a natural thing, right? I don't know if that's a symptom of depression, but I feel like I have to work so hard to just be happy. The thing that irritates the heck out of me is that I am blessed with such a great life and I have all the reasons in the world to be extremely happy. I know that makes me selfish and stupid.
I'm trying to be more optimistic and I'm trying to grow up and I'm trying to not let unhappiness hold me back like I have let it. It's affected my relationships and it's held me back from letting people into my life. But it's so hard to do when people can be so disappointing in this world.
The question I ponder is, are a few months of happiness and love worth it if in the end I might have to pay the consequence of dealing with a heartache and sadness that can open the door of depression? Or do I continue to close myself off from people who may offer me love and happiness and choose to live my life in fear of feeling anything because I'm too afraid to feel the one thing that's my kryptonite?
It's been said many a time that life is complicated. And I absolutely agree. I may fall down time and time again, but the beautiful thing I've learned about myself is that I don't give up on life and I know that it will take a thousand years of complete sadness to possibly stop my constant pursuit of happiness. I have hope that I will one day feel content, satisfied and completely happy with the life I've lived.
I will live my life through the pain and struggles as beautifully as I can.

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Something I'm currently worrying about ...

Is the thing I'm always worrying about.
I'll put it how my friend Rin says,"you're going to be forever alone."

I know it sounds like a ridiculous thing to worry about, but not to have someone to share this life with in this huge world is worrisome to me.

That area in my life has never been easy for me. I'm not the kind of girl who gets the fellas. And for most of my life I've been okay with that, but now I'm thinking, "Denise, you're not getting any younger."

Even when I've been lucky to find someone I've liked enough to pursue something serious, something has always gone wrong and it's always been so short lived. 

Everybody says be patient, don't settle, which I won't. I'm just so horrible at being patient.

Another worry on my mind is the adventure I will soon be embarking in good ole' Texas. 

I'm super excited, but change is sometimes hard for me. What if I don't adjust well at my new job? What if I don't make friends? What if I'm terribly lonely all the time? What if I can't pay my rent? 

Silly things I worry about.
I guess I'm blessed because I don't have hard struggles in my life or overwhelming worries. 

At the end of each day I thank God for the life he's given me, though I sometimes take each breath for granted. 

I know that I'm allowed to worry and feel down sometimes, but I don't ever forget how lucky I am to be living the life I'm living.

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My opinion on cheating on people ...

Just don't do it.
It's cruel, selfish and immature.
Trust is an important factor that plays into my relationships and once that is ruined it's difficult for me to be open with those who have broken that bond.
I feel like if you're really thinking about being with someone other than the person you are committed to don't be selfish and try to keep two people in your life.
Put on a pair of big boy/girl pants on and choose what you want.
Don't drag someone who cares about you and thinks you care about them down a crappy path.
Even though it will probably hurt that person like hell to hear that you've found someone else, maybe they'll still have an ounce of respect for you because you were honest and didn't betray them by cheating.
Yes, your significant other may be driving you crazy and you're not as happy as you used to be, but if you are really that unhappy then just end things.
Save yourself the stress of starting a crazy soap opera that stars you, someone who probably still loves you and some other person you've got eyes for.
There's enough lying and disappointment in this world so be a human and have a heart and just don't be a cheater. 
That's all I have to say about that.

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Who I Like and Why

I’ve been trying to get over the last guy I liked so there isn’t somebody that I can say that I truly like at this point in my life.

I haven't really met anybody new either.
The town I'm living in now is not crawling with potential crushes.
I'm definitely a one-guy-at-a-time kind of gal so I hold on to one person for a long time until I get over them.
Since I’m trying to get over the last one, I guess that means I still kind of like him.

So I can talk about why I liked him so much.
When I met him I hadn’t really liked anybody enough to try and pursue something more than just a friendship in maybe seven years.
I haven’t been in a relationship in my adult life, you could say.
Finding someone that meshed well with my personality was refreshing.
He’s easy going and easy to talk to and well, just easy, in a good way.
Not the bad, get out of the gutter guys!
Being with him, I felt like I could be myself and was accepted for who I was.
We both knew we liked each other from the get go so there was no second-guessing how we felt. It was all in the open.
What I really liked about him was he was like a diamond in the rough, you were lucky to find someone like him. Someone who understood me, someone who really listened to what I had to say. When he looked at me I could tell he really cared for me.
I liked that he would dance with me and that he liked going to the movies and liked to cuddle. I liked that he told me exactly what he wanted all the time. I liked that he liked seeing my happy.
I liked that he was shy and quiet, but also hysterical.
I liked that he made me feel beautiful and loved.
I guess you’re wondering why a guy I liked so much isn’t “my guy” right now.
Well, things got messy and things moved too fast for us. Ugly truths came out of the both of us and when I think of it we didn’t fight for each other when things got tough and it ended.
I feel like I’m not the best fit for him and he’s not the best fit for me.
Maybe later in our lives we will be and maybe not.

But liking him and having him stumble into my life was a blessing.
I learned more about myself and the kind of person I want in my life and I also gained a friend.

Life can be bittersweet sometimes, but I can’t settle for a less of a love that my heart truly desires.

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Six Things I Hate About You ...

This prompt has asked me to list five things each that irritate me about the opposite sex and the same sex, which is super hard to do! So I just came up with three for each gender.
Now I don't think all these things are traits everybody in each gender has, but these are the things that I have come up with that I find obnoxious.
I'm probably guilty of most of these too!

Dudes ...
1. Superiority - One thing that I have realized that many men think is they are superior to women. It's been said this is a man's world, right? Well the heck with that! Women can be just as successful in many of the jobs that are considered men's work. I've meet women truck driver's who can hold their own with the rough neck men in the oilfield. The thing that drives me insane is that sometimes when I meet a man in an official position they are sometimes condescending. I've met a lot of "important" men, as a journalist, but have only gained respect for those who treat me as an equal. There have been times when I'm with my editors (who happen to be men) and I'll show up with them at an event and the Alpha Males will shake my editor's hands and not mine ... maybe they just don't like me and that's why I just get a polite smile, but I can't think of a reason why they wouldn't enjoy my company.

2. Conceitedness- Now don't get me wrong I like a confident guy, but there's a huge difference between confidence and cockiness. It's irritating to me when fellas think they are women's gift from god. Stop flexing your muscles at us. Stop telling us how much you can lift. Stop talking about how much your car cost. Just Stop. A confident man, to me, is one who doesn't have to talk about their physical accomplishments or brag about their lifestyle. They just protrude an outward sense of happiness and a sense of pride that they have earned.

3. Girls, are never one of the guys- I can't stand when guys treat girls like one of their "Bros." Yes, it's true that many of us girls love watching sports and drinking beer and eating wings and can sometimes school you in a little game of one-on-one, but we are girls! We don't want to hear your bodily noises come out from your bottoms or your mouths. We don't want to be slapped on our butts because the Cowboy's finally scored a touchdown! We do appreciate that your comfortable with us, but just remember that we're not one of the boys. Respect us, because we are ladies and deserve it.

Gals ...
1.  Mean Girls -What can I say girl's can be really mean. I can be really mean too. I don't know why we sometimes go above and beyond to be mean to people, especially to other women. I  haven't bumped into too many "mean girls" now compared to when I was in my teens, but sadly they exist in all ages. Why can't we respect the sisterhood and not call each other the B word, or the W word, or the S word. Why can't we respect each other enough and not go after each other's significant others and respect that we wouldn't want someone going after our own loves.

2. The Damsel in Distress - Ladies, you are capable of achieving many things without men. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate the things men can do for us, but it drives me crazy that some women out there can make us seem as helpless as a little cotton-tailed bunny rabbit. We have the strength instilled within us to be survivors and triumph over daily dramas. I mean heck, God must have had females be the only ones capable of giving birth for a purpose. (He must of known men couldn't bear that much pain or responsibility). He made us strong! Now when the time comes and you need a man's help ask for it gladly, but if the going gets a little rough and you know you can handle it just toughen up buttercup, you can get through it.

3. Hot or Not- Maybe it's my own insecurities, but I always feel so much pressure from other women to look a certain way to be accepted in society. That pressure is in my life everyday TV, internet, magazines ... everywhere. I'd love not to feel so pressured to dress a particular way, be a certain size or feel like I have to look a certain way. I like being dressed up and I love makeup, but I wish the women in our society didn't put so much emphasis on their outwardly appearances. I'd hope women would work more on their inner-selves and work on making this world a better and more a beautiful world to live in for our future daughters.

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What I Wear to Bed ...

Well, wouldn't you like to know?
This is a random prompt, but I'll answer the question nonetheless.
I'm a comfy t-shirt and sweats and boxer shorts and tank top kind of gal.
I really don't put too much thought into what I throw on before I get into bed.
I do know that I don't like being hot so that usually plays a factor on what I put on.
My motto on pajamas, I guess, is the less clothes the better and then diving into a sea of blankets to keep warm.
I can't sleep with socks on and if I do they'll be off before morning. I don't like my feet getting hot. I have to have them uncovered if I'm going to fall asleep.
I also don't like wearing heavy cotton feel t-shirts because once again they make me hot.
But if I'm going to be completely frank, then I must admit that my favorite thing to wear to sleep is a tank top and my undies.
I guess I have a thing about my legs getting too hot.
So there you have it. Sorry my sleepwear fashion isn't too thrilling.

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The Kind of Person that Attracts Me ...

They say you can't help who you are attracted to, but I think that is not true.
When I'm attracted to someone I can almost point out the reasoning behind it.
In a nutshell, I'm attracted to ...
• Confident people
• People who don't give up on things easily
• People with goals
• Sarcastic and slightly a**holish people
• People who love to laugh and crack jokes
• I like tall people and who have some fluff
• Athletic people
• I like people with big ears and have smiles that are contagious
• I love people with even bigger hearts who go out of their way to help others
Now some of these traits can go for both male and females, I mean if you meet my best gal pals they probably have the first top five qualities and last one.
When it comes to guys most of that list fits in, but I am usually taken away by how honest a guy is. I don't like bulls***. I like when guys are upfront about their feelings and intentions and don't lead me on. I find that very attractive. I like guys who have their lives together, are hard working, smart and passionate about life.
When I think about the guys I've dated throughout my life and categorize them into stages of my life like, high school, college and now I would have to say that what I found attractive in high school isn't what I find attractive now. I feel as you grow older all your tastes develop and change, whether it's foods, music, books or people you like ... trust me I used to love rap music and now I can't stand it and I hated broccoli, but now absolutely love it. I think the same can be said about developing tastes in the people you're attracted too. You most certainly don't stay the same so why would your preference in the people you like not change?
Finding someone attractive, I feel, is a collection of the little things that you enjoy from all the people you care about in your life.
Hitting the jackpot would be finding all those quirks you like in one person and hoping they're attracted to you as well.

Oh and just for kicks and giggles these fellas are my top five celebrity crushes! ;P

 

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How Have You Changed in the Past Two Years?

Life is like riding a roller coaster blindfolded.
You never know what's coming or when the course is going to change or when it will throw you down a corkscrew spiral, and it's full of ups and downs.
It will scare you, make you scream and laugh and feel completely exhilarated and sometimes sick.
But I'm a firm believer that we're riding on our own personal roller coasters that will lead us to be exactly where we need to be. But it only makes sense that from the start of that sometimes smooth and bumpy ride we change along the way and end up completely anew. 
With that said, let's talk about Denise Then and Denise Now.
Denise Then ... a college student at the University of New Mexico, unemployed and broke.
Denise Then was in the middle of her last semester at UNM and concentrating on finishing school strong. She was also stressing on what was to come after 4 1/2 years of college and two years of living in Albuquerque. Her worries consisted of what to wear for the weekend's shindigs, what that certain guy thought of her and making sure she saved enough time to get homework done.
Denise Now ... holds a bachelor degree in multimedia journalism, is employed as a reporter and is slightly less broke since two years ago.
I feel the biggest change I've experienced in the past couple of years is transitioning from college student status and stepping into the shoes of young adulthood, which has been a challenge. I'm still trying to learn how to walk, much less dance, in these "adulthood shoes," but I'm making progress.
I've learned that things in life can get a bit tougher with age, but also more pleasant by becoming more comfortable with the skin you are asked to live in.
The insecurities I had two years ago still linger, but new one's have sprung up, such as will I be successful in my career (now that I have one, I guess), will I be successful in my personal life and I worry if I can survive in this world by just relying on myself.
In the past two years I've let myself love again, which I didn't allow myself to do all throughout college. By allowing myself to share my life and myself with someone else taught me how amazing life can be, but I also learned not to settle for anything less than complete happiness and wild passionate crazy love.
I've also been tested as a woman in my mid-20's and challenged on my lifestyle of being single and pursing a life that suits me and makes me happy, which may come off to some as "selfish." But at the end of the day we're told we have one life to live so why live life for anyone else other than yourself? Two years ago I was still being very influenced by prominent figures in my life who were still helping mold who I am or what they wanted me to become.  
Today, I chose what kind of life I will have and where it goes.
Two years may not seem like a long time, but thinking back I've changed from feeling like a kid to finally feeling like an adult who can contribute to the world and a person who has gained most of the confidence to become who she truly wants to be.

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Weird Things I Do When I'm Alone ...

• I have the tendency to answer the questions I'm asking myself in my head out loud, and I won't even realize I'm doing it until I sort of start having an entire conversation with myself ... that doesn't happen too often though.

• I absolutely love to crochet. It's a guilty, guilty pleasure of mine. I just find it relaxing and stress relieving, but to be honest I've never completed a project I have started. There are maybe five unfinished blankets laying in boxes or waded up in bags in my room. Some people may find my crocheting hobby odd, since I don't come off as the kind of person who'd enjoy it. My brother always asks me, "since when did you become such a grandma?"

• I like to lip sync to songs or commercials on TV. So I'll be sitting on the couch or my bed just moving my mouth to jingles and words to songs, which I guess I could sing along out loud since I'm alone.

• I'll crack myself up when I'm by myself because I'll be deep in thought thinking about something funny or a funny thing someone told me and just start laughing up a storm.

Maybe these things don't come off as too weird and I'm sure there are weirder things I do that I don't realize I'm doing or maybe not think are weird, but at the end of the day our weirdness makes us who we are. Weird quirks are my favorite things about people and I tend to attract some odd peeps that I usually end up calling "my friends."

I like it when people are, as my wise brother would say it,  "Denise's kind of weird."

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30 Writting Prompts Challenge

All I do is write.
That's what I do for a living and I love it, but for the past year my writing has been constrained to Associated Press journalistic writing, which is fine, but I need an outlet for all the thoughts, emotions and other crazy junk in my head. 
So I'm starting this blog to pursue my right to write what I want, whoever I want to write about and when I want. 
I decided I'd challenge myself by doing a 30-Prompt Writing Challenge (which I found on Pinterest).
If you decide to take the time to read some of my jots and rambles, thank you. 
Some of these prompts are going to have me being completely honest ... this should be fun!

Here's the prompt:
1. Weird things you do when you're alone
2. How have you changed in the past two years?
3. What kind of person attracts you
4. What you wear to bed
5. Five things that irritate you about the opposite sex/same sex
6. The person you like and why you like them
7. Your opinion on cheating on people
8. Something you're currently worrying about
9. Your last kiss
10. Your views on drugs and alcohol
11. Things you want to say to an ex
12. Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is
13. A date you would love to go on
14. Something disgusting you do
15. The best thing to happen to you this week
16. Three things you are proud of about your personality
17. Things that make you scared
18. Disrespecting parents
19. Something that never fails to make you feel better
20. The last argument you had
21. Something you can't seem to get over
22. Ten things about you people don't really expect
23. Something you always think "what if ... " about
24. Things you want to say to five different people
25. Ten ways to win your heart
26. Your religion beliefs
27. Talk about your siblings
28. The month you were happiest this year and why
29. What changed this month and what you hope will happen next month
30. A picture of yourself

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