It's about 12:40 a.m. and I can't sleep. And I just need to write this out and vent ...
I've had my struggles with anxiety in the past, but as soon as I became a mom, to my own flesh-and-blood, my anxiety has me almost tipping over into an abyss of worry. I'm sure every singe mom out there understands what I mean. The moment those tiny little humans come out of us the unceasing worry about them begins. It's the craziest thing ever! Then add a global pandemic on top of that -- forget about it.
For the past couple of days I've been having mini-anxiety attacks, I guess you could say, where my brain tries to jump into a rabbit hole of thinking about anything and everything that can go wrong with raising Ayden, "am I a good enough mom? Am I talking to him enough, feeding him enough, feeding him the right foods, teaching him new things enough? Does he know I love him? What if he gets hurt? What if he gets sick? What if I lose him?" It goes on and on, and I find myself mentally hanging on to the edge of that rabbit hole because if I let go it would be too much, mentally.
I know it may become more difficult but I will try my darndest to not fall into the depths of anxiety and revel in the happy, wonderful and incredible moments motherhood has in store for me. Even with all of this anxiety this is the happiest I've ever been in my life. I love being someone's mom. I love the way that baby boy smiles at me when he sees me and that I can be his comfort and shelter of love.
As long as there is love, anxiety can suck it!
