(Prompt 11)
You'd think that if I was the person who ended the relationship it'd be easy for me to move on, forget about the guy and keep living life?
Things I want to say to an ex...
Evidentaly not.
How have I managed to be so hung up on you and allow you to string me along, after all the lies you told me. After hiding the fact that you were in a relationship but still treated me like I was your one and only.
How could you treat me like crap by keeping me hanging on, by leading me on?
How could you text me almost every day and tell me how much you missed me and how much you wanted me. You told me I was beautiful, that I still took your breath away. And then you called me and told me you loved me ... what was I supposed to think?
You are in a relationship and you told me you loved me, how do you have the nerve to look her in the eyes after you finish talking with me?
I knew she didn't know about you talking to me every day. I'm not stupid I knew why you wouldn't respond to my texts after 5 p.m. or on the weekends.
Then it hit me like lightning, why was I allowing you to hurt me? Why was I the only one getting hurt all the time? And why was it okay with you to hurt me? You had to have made a decision on who was going to get hurt, me or her, and you chose me, why?
You weren't getting hurt and she wasn't because she's clueless. In the end you'd still end up happy with her and me left to be alone pinning over you?
That's bullshit.
Then I was pissed at myself because how did I end up being someone's second choice? What lies was I feeding myself to make this okay? I guess I truly believed that you meant all that you said and that you did want to be with me.
So I put my heart out in the open and told you that I wanted you, me knowing you were in a relationship and I felt so guilty that I did that.
At first you told me you wanted to be with me too and hope was building up in my heart that we soon may be together. But weeks went on and the stupider I felt because I still didn't have you.
So I finally worked up the courage to call you out knowing that I may end everything and the chance to keep you as a friend. I asked you if you'd leave her and you said, "I don't know. I feel like I can't. She's a good person and hasn't done anything to leave her. I'm just hurting both of you if I keep this up."
A lie. Because I was the only one getting hurt. My heart crumbled because right then and there I knew I lost. I knew that you chose her and that I wasn't a good enough reason for you to leave.
So I had to ask what the hell you were doing with me? Why I was being strung along when you knew that there was never going to be a me and you again. You just didn't want me to move on from you and I didn't.
I've been unhappy for six months because I didn't let you go but how could I when you made it impossible by keeping that small flame burning, continually adding more wood.
I do not understand why you didn't let me happy like you are and have been. How could you do this to me? How could you be so cruel? You knew you had my heart and you took advantage when you should of been a man and gave it back when you knew you didn't want to care for it.
I'm devistated.
